Speaker 1: 0:00

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Speaker 2: 0:12

He wants transformation in our lives. Like when you and I were born, we were born into something that we weren't intended to be. Jesus came to become that and hang on a tree so we could die with him and raise with him in the newness of life. It's in Romans six is very powerful. So really in a nutshell, what I preached last night is the whole goal of Christianity is becoming love. It's, it's not to make heaven someday. It's for heaven to come back inside of us. So we can actually live in the spirit and, and walk and live in the spirit of God. And a lot of people have never understood that. And, and I've learned as he said about question and answers, I thought, you know what? I know this in my own life. There was things I heard in my life. I heard because I heard it come from a certain source of certain people, people I was submitted to you. You could hear something in a lunch room and hear two people talking and then you hear that conversation come up a month later and you don't know it to be true. You just heard it being talked about and you'll talk about it like, you know, did you ever notice people do that? And people do that about the Lord a lot like we do. We're, we're notorious in the church for doing our Bible studies and a lot of times all we're doing is tossing doctrine around and belief systems. And we're saying what we believe and what we don't believe. But if the thing doesn't have the power to transform your life and empower you to walk in truth and change you from the inside, you're casting out of just another human opinion. It's another thought pattern. It's just another. And I and I and I'm concerned and a lot of times that happens in our lives where we really don't seek a viable relationship with the Lord, where we actually get to know him through his word, through prayer and by his Holy spirit. We actually let our Bible quotation, memorization and our Bible speaking take the place of our relationship and I hope I'm making sense. You can, Oh, I'm good, buddy. You can let the church you attend. Take the place of knowing him. It become the essence of your Christianity. Oh yeah, I'm a Christian. I go to church. Go into church isn't what makes you a Christian. Knowing him is what makes you Christian. Christian is Christ likeness. That's what it means. Here's what Jesus said in John 17 three he said, this is eternal life. That you might know him. The only true God, and I think, I don't know about where you grew up in this area, but I think we miss what eternal life is and we make it a prayer. We pray so we can go to heaven some day when we die. That's what we make eternal life. That's, that's not even the strong push of scripture. Scripture isn't making sure you're safe and covered for the day you die. Christianity's all about now that you're alive. It's all about Mark in the hearts of men with who he is. It's all about leaving a legacy and so in seeds into people's lives. Are you following what I'm saying? So Christianity is a whole different thing than I grew up till I was age 20. Uh, I didn't make the right choice. I stopped going to church when I was around 20, cause I figured I was old enough to make that decision. It wasn't a good one. Uh, I didn't have an understanding. I didn't know what the gospel really meant. All I ever heard my whole life was he died on a cross cause you're a sinner and you better receive him cause he's coming back some Dan, you better be ready. That was Christianity. I was still the same man. I had the same anger, same frustration, same opinion, same pride, same argument of hearts, same selfish self centered thing. Are you following me? So nothing about the message empowered my life to change. It just told me to believe something to receive something called everlasting life. And I'm honestly, I'm, I'm concerned and I'm on this topic this morning, so I'm just gonna stay where I'm at. I'm concerned that that's sometimes where we start and where we stop and it's just all about believing on him to be covered for the day we die. But we don't realize our whole life is about between those two markers. Your whole life is about what you're doing in him every day. It's about how you respond to people, the message you send through your life. It's all about the life you're living, not the thing you're believing. What you actually believe will ultimately be the life you're living. In other words, you'll know somebody and what they really believe by how they're living their life. You can tell what a man really sees in his heart by the way he conducts his life. Are you following me? I think we think sometimes we don't really meditate on this. So we think sometimes without really thinking about it, we're just going to stand before the Lord someday and answer a questionnaire or something. You know, what'd you do with your life? He did this and this and this. How many people did you tell about me? It's so, it's so worked. So he ended, it's so non-personal. It's, it's not going to be like that at all. There's no questionnaire like your life lived reveals where you placed your heart and it reveals what you believed or what you saw, what you didn't see. It's your life live that reveals the words of man speaks. It says your heart is going to come out of your mouth. Out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth will speak. I've watched people talk about scripture a lot in my life and they're full of animosity. They get ticked off quick. They get contentious. They, they wanna argue theological truth. It's like the last place I'll ever care about with you. I am not going there with you. Like the last thing of my art is to sit and argue over scripture. It's actually a dead giveaway that we really don't know the Lord. We're just arguing about facts like he's not like that at all. I've learned that the Lord's not like that at all. Like he's very approachable. I can go to him in prayer. Hebrew says with an unveiled face, I can come boldly at approach him, not arrogantly, boldly, confidently cause I know he loves me through the death of his son. A lot of people don't understand how personally wants to be in, how intimate he wants to be. He says if eternal life is knowing him, the knowing him must be the point not knowing about him. There's a difference between knowing about the Lord, reading your whole Bible and quoting it and knowing all the scriptures and finishing them before the preacher. You can do that, not even know the Lord and you can let your Bible knowledge take the place of knowing him. And all of a sudden you live your whole life with the knowledge of the Lord without a revelation of the Lord coming through your life. Are you following me? Listen, please. Listen. What's your name? What is it? Tobias. I just found out his name. We don't know each other at all. I could be a neighbor to Tobias. I could live down the street and see him ride his bike. I could see him running around with some youngsters. I might meet his mom and dad and I might learn about him a little. I might get some facts on him and, and after time I might be able to see, Oh yeah, Tobias. I know him and I might tell you two or three facts I've learned along the way, but until I hang out with him. So we may just go fish together. We sit in a little restaurant, get some breakfast. So we take a ride and hike in the mountains and we talk in exchange and I look in his eyes and I can't tell you I know him, I know of them, I know some details. You know how quick that happens with the Lord. You go to church, you grow up with all these Bible stories. You sit in Sunday school and all of a sudden you're talking all about the Lord. But until you really get to know the Lord, there's not really a transforming of your life. You can get puffed up in knowledge but love edifies. Are you following me? So I just feel real strong about this because I'm going to take you somewhere right now. The night when my life got turned around the very night my life got turned around, I was at work. I would have told you I was a Christian cause I grew up in church, but I had impended church for a very long time. I didn't have the capacity to love my wife. I was sure at that time she was the problem of my life. I was. I went to work. You didn't think that there was really anything wrong with me. I had the ability to seem okay, but I was mad inside. I wanted away from this called marriage and I just wanted to be my own man, but if you to ask me if I was a Christian, I would have said, well, yeah, I'm a Christian. I grew up in church, man is baptized when I was 12 dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I went to work one night. I was in the aisle working in the stock came to my mind. It wasn't first-person, it wasn't, this guy didn't open, the ceiling didn't split

Speaker 3: 8:56

and this light shoot down and hit me. It wasn't like that. It was soft and subtle and it was just like a thought that I get every day in whatever line. You know how you just get thoughts. You didn't get them on your mindset and people say, I just want to go quiet. My mind. Your mind is never quiet. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2: 9:15

Well, I just want to go quiet my mind. Stop it. Your mind, you're trying to quiet your mind in your minds. Go ahead. Yeah, it's never quiet so you might as well fill it with good things. Right and 12 your mind on these things. Anything good and excellent, worthy. Philippians four why? Because your mind, God knows, your mind says set your mind on these things. Your mind is never quiet my mind. It was just like a thought I get every day

Speaker 3: 9:38

in in my life and it was amazing. He came right out of the blue though and this is what it said and he impressed me so much. The second time I heard it and then I didn't really realize it was the Lord too. Later when it all hit me that, Oh my goodness, this was life changing and here I am 24 years later. I'm so passionate about about this. He said to my heart, just sounded like my own thought. He didn't talk first and he just talked to me as if it was me. He said, you don't even know. You don't even know if God is really real. I came into my heart while I was working out of the blue. I'm just doing work. You don't even know if God is really real. Well, I would have told you I was a Christian in a heartbeat because my church resume, if you'd handed me a track on the street corner, you know what I'd have said? I'd have played you at a smile and said, Aw, thank you for Karen. Listen, I'm a Christian and I'm one of you, man. You're my brother. I I'm redeemed through the blood of Jesus. He forgave me of all my sins. I just said the language. I learned the language. Listen, I'm not Spanish. I can never be Spanish, but I can learn the language. You can learn a language in Christianity, but it doesn't make you Christ like and you can talk. Some of the people that I've seen that quote the most scripture or some of the meanest people I've met in my life, they're, their disposition is nasty. They're mean. They use the Bible like a club.

Speaker 2: 11:16

I'm just saying, I don't know if you've ever met anybody like that. My Bible talks about joy unspeakable.

Speaker 3: 11:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:25

My Bible says good tidings of great joy. I'm not sure why our faces are so long. I'm not sure why we are so far. Bob Lord, good tidings of great joy. Doesn't sound like a somber face. Yeah. What it tells me is we don't totally understand the good tidings cause it's good tidings of great joy. When we see the good news for it really is your heart's response without trying to be happy is great joy cause it's good news or you follow me? Honestly, what happens, I talked about this last night. What happens is we let life speak way louder than truth. That's a problem. Truths, what makes you free. We find ourselves through life instead of the giver of it. We get tricked into only doing as good as things are going and then our, our circumstances becomes our story, our identity and our conversation and at best we're praying to God for things to change the way we're hoping so we become okay. That's really the sums up. The average Christian mentality that I've seen for 24 years and all of a sudden will reduce to trying to survive and make it and hope to catch a blessing and find a little favor and I mean we don't understand. Like if somebody is not living in a good place, we, we think they're the problem. No, it's us not seeing them the way God does and all of a sudden we're praying for them to change it. God knock them off their high horse and if they don't change soon I'm going to find another job and all of a sudden we're just running from what we don't agree with. Instead of shining in the midst of it all. One of the number one prayer requests that we get when I was a pastors, please pray for me to get a new job. I can hardly stand working where I'm at. Watch people would say, I can't believe God keeps letting me where have to work there. I thought he loved me. He, you don't know the pressure I'm under on my job and they asked for a new job and they can't even believe God's still letting them work there. And I'm like, I am not praying for you to get a new job. I'm going to pray to God balls and change you there too. You get a revelation. Why would you get a new job? Go walk in the light, walk in love, make peace, show mercy. Be like Jesus. Jesus walked right in the middle of that stuff and got criticized for it by the people that were running. They walked right in the middle of that. He got criticized for the people he hung out with. He's not intimidated by unbelievers. He's not intimidated by somebody that's not going to treat him. Right. Right. That'd be like, Jesus said, take me back. Scotty. Beam me up. I am outta here. These people do not love me. Come on. It's not like that. So when God said to me, you don't even know if God is really real. I thought, what am I thinking about that for? Who cares? You know, why am I thinking about God? And I kept trying to work and it came right back to me. You don't even know if God is real. Second time, all I'm telling you is there was so much strengthened that thought there was nowhere I could go to run from it. I just froze and like a baby man. I cried in my workplace. You don't cry at work in a warehouse. Are you kidding me? You don't let your coworkers see you cry. They'll eat you for lunch for the rest of your days. They'll talk about the day you were crying. I could not cry. I stand at not not cry. I was bawling, crying, and guess what happened? It was the Lord. He came and rescued me from myself. That's why I'm so passionate about this message. I, I'm convinced guys, if this is your first time meeting me, I'm just, I know I'm kinda just kinda throwing some stuff out there, but unconvinced where our own biggest enemy you live in for you is the biggest lie on the planet. You were never created for you. You were created for Christ in you. You were never created to be your own person. You were created to be who you are in him. It was never designed for you to live apart from him or outside of him, outside of his mindset, his wisdom. He tells you to not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Why? Because our minds have been so contaminated with self-centered stuff. Jealousy, pride, animosity. Well, they did this. Why wouldn't be mad if they didn't? Well, they started it. Well, you need to talk to them. That's our language. We grow up with that so we call it normal, but you show me one time when that language has ever produced life. You show me one time where a bad attitude has ever brought anything good. You tell me one time where I'd offended harder. Heard heart, a frustrated heart, ever produced kingdom of God. That's how I know we're deceived because we're called to go preach saying the kingdom of God is here and he's not talking about buying a Bullhorn and walking into the kingdom of God is here. The kingdom of God as you would know. They think we're cuckoo. He's talking about having a different mentality, a different perspective, a different motive in life because the truth has come to our hearts. Staff are waking up and actually understanding why you are alive and who you are. You are in him and who he is in you. I just know this guys. This is my own personal testimony, so it means a lot to me. I'm hoping you can glean at least something from it. It's a big deal to me. If God came to me and spoke to Martin and said, you don't even know if God's real. He didn't say, Hey, you haven't been at church for awhile. Hm? Can't remember the last time you cracked that book opens, huh? Uh, I don't remember hearing you pray for a long time. He didn't say none of that. He said, you don't know if God's real, why. The biggest detriment in my life wasn't my Christian calisthenics. It wasn't the things I do to say I'm a Christian. It was my relationship. It was knowing him. I could have told you about God for a long time. I had it in my upbringing but I didn't know him. So my life wasn't empowered to be changed. So I was offended at my wife. What's the big deal about attending a church service and saying amen and you're just defended at your spouse and have animosity in your home and you justify it and you continue to stay that way cause it's justified if the Lord lived that way. We're all in trouble. If you went to pray to God and he said, listen, I'm a little agitated with you right now. You know that thing you've been saying over and over, but I'm telling you to stop. You're just not. You're too busy talking. You haven't listened. I'm just frustrated with you right now. I'd rather you not pray to me.

Speaker 4: 18:02

Hello.

Speaker 2: 18:04

Haven't we done that to each other? Like well give me space. You mean my time? You talked to somebody about unforgiveness where some of these things take time. Why do we have such a grid for unforgiveness? Because we think it's normal. Cause that's all we've ever known from the time we can remember. Why don't we have a grid for own forgiveness? Why do we have such a grid for unforgiveness? Where where we think we have to be hurt and then work to get over it. Wonder if God can change me from the inside where I don't have the capacity to live the way I used to live because new life is on the inside of me. Wonder if I wake up in the morning and the gospel's changed my motive and all of a sudden I'm not alive for the same reason. I'm not trying to survive. I'm not looking to be noticed. I don't need you to incur it's me and make me feel good cause I don't feel good about myself.

Speaker 4: 18:52

Hello.

Speaker 2: 18:54

Some of us do good things to get accolade and affirmation. Who's ever seen somebody buy something for somebody for Christmas and the person didn't really like the gift and the person that bought it got hurt cause they didn't like the gift. You never see that in life. Guess what? You didn't buy the gift for them. You bought it for you. You bought it so they would dote over you and make you feel good in the moment they receive. Oh, you shouldn't have. You're so loving. You're just giving. You're like, Ooh, these are, you are so awesome. And you heard them. You say, what'd you say? You're so awesome. Oh[inaudible] we've lived this shallow in our lives and we're always looking for identity this way. Affirmation feel good about ourselves. So people say nice things. We feel better. Yeah, my goodness. There's something so powerful about knowing him guys. So powerful. He said, you don't even know if God is really real. So I start crying cause why were you crying? It was solvers. God came after me. I'm just telling you, he came to get snatched me out of darkness. It was him. And there was a found out, there was people praying for me. She's gonna make me cry. Did the Lord ever put somebody on your heart that you haven't seen for awhile or you just think of a minute, feels bigger than just your feelings where it's like, Whoa, I wonder how they do, and you actually feel like you're caring about this person and you might not even know them that well, but they're really on your heart right now. Please, if that happens, please stop what you're doing and just pray. You see why I don't even know what to pray. Just God. Let your spirit go. Just blessed them, man. I hope they're well. Lord, why would you let them be found in the way you desire right now? Your best for them? God, just pray. Just it'll calm you. Just don't ignore it cause I'm telling you he's for willing available people that will lay down their life in a moment and speak out his heart towards God so he can reach out. You say why? So he can cause we don't even understand this stuff. He made us a certain way to flow with him and work with him and co-labor. He put men on the earth. He gave the earth to the children of man. It's in Psalms, it's 16 he gave the earth to the children of men. He told them to Stuart and have dominion, not apart from him with him inside them. So when a man praise God's heart, God hears that prayer and begins to respond. Cause it's God working through men. It's men working with God and vice versa. It's the most beautiful thing ever. It's not something to argue over. It's something to become. This couple was going to Walmart. They barely knew me. They knew my wife. My wife was the hurting wife that attended home group, who had the miserable husband. My wife was the wife. They'd put on the hot seat cause she would cry. How's your marriage? How's things at home? So they'd say, Oh sit here. Oh he won't even know what we're realizing what we're doing. And we're like, Oh God, would you give her comfort? She's, it's gotta be so hard living with him. And by the time they're done sentimental with her, they're so mad at me. They can't even pray for me. There are God cut him down, knock him off his high horse, take out his, I cut his juggler. You know, whatever. Change him God, like nobody even has compassionate man is even considering I'm lost. They're just hurt and offended because I'm hurting and offending.

Speaker 4: 22:30

Are you following me?

Speaker 2: 22:32

Come on. My wife was so sweet. She sitting in at home group, they how's, how's things going at home? Any changes?

Speaker 4: 22:39

They got their answer by the lip rippling.[inaudible]

Speaker 2: 22:42

so, Oh, we don't even understand what we're doing. You're actually empowering her to be broken. I can't even imagine how you've put up with him this long. That must be the grace of the Lord on your life.

Speaker 4: 22:54

Stop it.

Speaker 2: 22:56

Come on. What are you saying? What you're saying is you should be broken and I'd be broken if I was in your shoes. Guess what? You just revered. You have no ability to help her. You can only sympathize. Do you think Jesus would do that? I'm so sorry. You've had to live with him. I'm so sorry that he doesn't build you up and encourage. You know, Jesus wants to separate her from having her identity through where he's not in her own husband. Listen, until you get this, you'll be ruled by your surroundings for the rest of your life. Whether you admit it or not, you will only be as good as things are going and as good as people are treating you. That's why insecurity is so prevalent in people because they're finding their value through one another and they're only as strong as the weakness around them.

Speaker 3: 23:49

On the morning, I wake up and understand my life is complete in him and I am not alive for you to love me. I'm alive to be more like him. That's the day I find freedom and that's the day I don't even synthesize with the lady in the chair. I understand. I weep with her. I kneel down and I say, honey, I'm so sorry. Your husband's in the place he is right now, but look me in the eyes and understand something. You never have to be a product of where he's not. Your life is way deeper than his sins, his anger and his inability to seemingly value you. It doesn't mean you're not valuable. It means he can't see. He's blind right now. Honey, let me tell you who you are and you build her up apart from him and you teach her to never let her life be a product of his deficit because Jesus is her fullness. Jesus is her. All in all it says to know the love of Christ is to be filled with all the fullness of God. It doesn't say unless you're married to a jerk. Hello, Tamara.

Speaker 2: 24:58

Be honest with me in this small room, how many of us have made others our reason for

Speaker 3: 25:04

be in whatever we are? That's a very, I'm going to be bold. Don't walk out on me. Take this. That's a very shallow way to laugh and you're revealing. You have very little understanding of the truth that makes men free, so let's just be humble and grow up into him in all things. Come on. If I'm going to be blown around by the winds of life, I need to settle in and lock into truths of truth can keep me free. So you don't understand this. But my wife went through identity crisis for eight years. My wife believed that people said hi to her cause she was married to me. I travel, I preach, people got me on YouTube. It's just gets weird sometimes. But I like it in the sense that the word's out there but sometimes people, I just come in through the airport. I got stopped twice coming through the airport to come here,

Speaker 2: 25:50

Dan. No way. Oh my gosh. I don't mean to be weird, but I'm like Whoa. I guess they're appreciate what they're hearing. At least they didn't come and cut off my head. You heretics. I'm young. I'm looking at a food menu.

Speaker 3: 26:05

Tap me on the shoulder, you turn around and lady's quiver. Oh my goodness it is you. And I'm like honey, it's okay.

Speaker 2: 26:10

Okay. Just a guy. I just love Jesus. Yeah, but you hug and it's just funny. So my wife started to believe,

Speaker 3: 26:21

Hm. People just say hi to me. Cause I am here along for the ride. It's not because they value me, it's because I'm his wife. And it was just the strangest thing that she led happen. It's so devalued her. It made every, hi Kim, rhetorical mechanical had nothing to do

Speaker 2: 26:44

with, Hey Kim, you're awesome. It had to do with, Hey, I'm supposed to say hi to her cause she's his wife and that's what she started to believe. So I saw her changing you and you're married to someone. They say, no, no, I'm okay. You already know that's not the answer. You already know because you're married. You know they're not okay. But usually we don't communicate like we could and be truthful. And I sat her down, I said, sweetheart, come on, I'm, I'm okay snuff, fly I. Something's going on. You're not yourself. You seem troubled. Well she said, I just realized something and I said, what did you realize? Because here's the thing. No one what I've understood over these years, when I see what she says she's knowing is producing in her life. That's how I can tell if it's the truth or not. If what you're believing isn't producing life is in stirring your heart and generating joy and accountants of him, you're on the wrong track. Friend, he came to give you life and life. If what's your dwelling on? What's your thinking about what you just sit in on and news and on? If it's not exciting, your heart and producing life, you're in a trap. You're spiraling in deception and it might be common knowledge and you might find people who agree with you, but if it's not producing life, it can't be the Lord. Now, come on. I know that's strong and straight, but that's the way I see it. Come on. I don't want some big middle ground. We're good at creating it. C'mon. Achieve the black or white. It's either angels or devils. It's either Christ or Belisle. He said, there's no middle ground. We create middle ground. We create a gray zone. When you smear black and white together, you get gray.

Speaker 5: 28:33

[inaudible]

Speaker 2: 28:34

ain't no gray zone in the kingdom. He said, I'd rather you be hot or cold if you're lukewarm us, spew you out of my mouth. Why? I said, Lord, what? That sounds intense. At least if somebody is warm, they're halfway to hot, why would you rather them be cold? And I felt like this is what I received in my heart. If they're cold, I can transform them and put them on fire. But if they're lukewarm, they're hanging in the middle and they created a place to abide and they're no good for anyone. Lukewarm is no good for anyone. It's the place of a hypocrite. It's the place of a half in, half out. I'm somewhat in just not all the way he showed my heart that that's no good for anybody. And there's more people hurting over people halfway in. More people hurt by hypocrisy than there is by unbelief.

Speaker 5: 29:29

Yeah,

Speaker 2: 29:31

because they say, well, if that's a Christian, I don't want nothing to do with that. We've had how many Christians say all the right things and find out doing all the wrong things and all of a sudden we make the message Lord instead of a person, Lord. And that person person's supposed to live inside of me and he's the hope of glory. And if you can't see him in my life, why would you want what I say?

Speaker 6: 29:54

Yeah,

Speaker 2: 29:59

let me back up. Jesus comes into our workplace. I'm trying to finish this testimony and I, I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea. I'm just glad you're here. He says, you don't even know if God's real. I'm standing to cry. And why am I crying? Cause I look in my heart and for the first time in my life, personally, I got real and saw how selfish I was. And to me, in my mind, to this day, I feel like I might've been the most selfish man on the planet. And I'd say, Oh, I love you and really loved you for what you did for me, what you gave me. So I'd say, I love you to my wife. It's cause it benefited me somehow or just kept surface piece.

Speaker 6: 30:39

Okay.

Speaker 2: 30:41

Yeah. C'mon. It's the three most most used misused words on the planet. They've caused more pain. The phrase I love you has caused more pain because people need to hear it, want to believe they're lovable. So if the right person says it, they're enamored. It doesn't matter how deep it is. It just matters in the moment. Beaver with me, some of us have lived enough life. We sell cheap on the phrase, I love you, but what I love you means is I'm absolutely selfless. I will lay down my life for your sake. All that is, mine is yours. I love you. Yeah. Wonder how many of us have done that or experienced that in our lives where we have through Jesus crucified. Every one of us was wrong and he came to make us right. Every one of us was unworthy and he came to say, you're worth more than you understand. You're worth my life. You're worth his sacrifice. He know Jesus was not on the cross saying, Hey, you bunch of sinners. I hope you're happy. Now when do you get the point? Isn't the time to change? Look what your sin has done to me. It's not the cross. That's how people preach. The cross is saying, I know who you are. I've known you from the beginning. I've never changed my mind about you. You don't see and understand who you are, but I know the truth. I know your potential. I know your purpose and your worth. Every blow I've received in every drop of blood, I've shed my life given his worth, yours lived in me. Would you come unto me? I'll give you life. That's what the crosses say. That's a whole different message than shape up. When I grew up, I don't know, but when I was, I see a lot of young youngsters again in this room when I was their age, Christianity was just what I should do and shouldn't do and I should know better and I still had those shouldn't do things in my heart. You say warranties still in your heart. My heart is transformed. I've got so many things in my heart that are changed. There's things I don't even think about struggle or there's things that you used to tell me that I just think, what was I thinking? Because I see now, see, because he exposed selfishness in my life now let me get straight with you, you guys. Okay? Okay. I hope you can handle this. Can I get really straight with you right now? Let me ask you a question. If you're truly discouraged, where's your focus? If you're really discouraged, what are you focusing on that allows you to be just truly discouraged how things didn't go the way you hoped, how things didn't go the way you were desiring, what it's costing you? Oh, now look what it put me through. Your focus has to be self-centered when you're truly discouraged. Hebrews 12 three says this, consider him. Consider who who endured such hostility against him self from sinners. Least you be weary, given up and discouraged in your soul. What's he talking about? Least you let life speak louder than truth and become a product of what you're going through instead of a product or what he went through. See what I'm talking about is the difference between just hashing over religious theories over coffee and debating Christian principles versus living in intimacy with God and having an absolute life change to where you're truly betrayed factually and you don't live betrayed and nobody knows you were betrayed. Why? Because you're not thinking betrayed your thinking, Jesus. You're thinking walking in love. She, my wife, you don't understand this, but for eight years my wife started to believing this lie and it spiraled her to the point where she's so devalued herself. She thought it would be better if she wasn't even alive and I was her husband and felt like I had no ability to pour into her. Cause she'd look at me and say, well, you're supposed to tell me that. Well, you're supposed to. That's the right answer. Of course you'd tell me that because you're a nice man, but it doesn't mean it's true about me. I'd say, honey, it's true about you because it's the word. It's what he paid for. It's who he sees you to be. No, you're supposed to tell me that. So for eight years, you say eight years. Truth doesn't know time. So what, because it's eight years. I'm supposed to be a weary husband. I'm supposed to be given up. Hey, I got a lot on my plate. I'm called to ministry, had so many people pulling on me and now my wife can't even get with it. She needs to get with it. If she don't change soon, I am going to break down somebody keep me in prayer.

Speaker 4: 35:21

Hello.

Speaker 2: 35:24

See, I'm on you a little bit this morning. We've let a lot of things that aren't Lord, decide who we are and how we are. You see, how did you do that? For eight years? There was a time I was full time pastor. My wife wouldn't even come to church where I pastored cause she didn't want to come out. People would call her and she'd say out loud, they're only calling me cause I'm so messed up. And I lived in that scenario for eight years. But if you bumped into me, you wouldn't have said, brother, are you okay? Do you need prayer? You bumped into me. I had to tone downside and freak you out with my passion in my zeal and my excitement. Why? Cause I don't find my identity through my wife. I find my identity through Jesus. Now I'm empowered to love her in the most critical time of her life. Would you agree she was in trouble for eight years? Would you agree she was deceived? Would you agree that she really needed Jesus? Well, he happens to live in there and now is not the time to be a frustrated husband that says, I love you, but you owe me

Speaker 5: 36:29

[inaudible]

Speaker 2: 36:32

so you know what makes me so excited about this stuff? My wife has no ability to dictate how I'm doing. All she can do is be loved by me and there she receives it. Great. And if she does it, I'm still loving her. Yay. But I'm not lacking a thing. She don't have to write me no little sweet cards. So when she does, it really touches my heart because it's not necessary. If I needed it, it would be sickness. She'd be enabling something that needs to be fulfilled in my life. Come on. If I need her to say, Oh, I love you. Oh, we're still going. Oh. She said, you know, she didn't say, I love you for two days. I wonder if she, Hey honey, love you full. Thank you Lord. That would be weirdness. I read this, I keep this thing in here. I have so many of them. I have a whole pile of them. She stuck this in my Bible. I've never taken it out. It's pink. It's my wife's little note. She wrote this me, I read it all over. I exploited all the time and read her heart to me. You want to, you want to note like this from your wife. She said, I hope you have the best weekend ever. You're a true man of God. See, this isn't somebody that watches me on YouTube. This is my wife. This is the one that I love. Through an eight year period where she was living in a almost, I'm barely describing how bad it was on her end, where she was so hurting and deceived. Now she understands that I saw something the whole time that I refuse to let go of and now she understands that watch God in me and through me was empowering me cause I'm surrendered to him to love her just like he would if he was in her home. Did you get it? And all of a sudden she realizes when she couldn't see the value of her life, I could not

Speaker 3: 38:37

see it. She said, I hope you have the best we can. Every you're a true man of God. And I doubt God can find many men, if any, just cause she hasn't hung around wildly that long. I doubt God can find many men, if any, on this earth with your integrity, your character, and your good heart. She's not boasting in me. She's recognizing Christ in me. See my hair color. I'm wise enough to understand. I'm not a self made man. I had no ability to get a note like that before because if I didn't know Jesus when she went into that eight year thing, it would've maybe went six months and that's it. And somebody got draw a line and enough is enough and you can only take so much. And I'd have pulled three friends into my life that understood my pain and they'd have been my support system. Y'all with me? Come on. I've been around a little bit. I've seen this. I've been on the earth just long enough to see this happens to good people all the time. People that mean well but are caught up in the deception. Hey, no way. I would've got a note like that fruit, Mel, Jesus changed everything. It says you're not your own. You're bought with a price. We got understand this stuff, man. We gotta be more than just getting into marriage counseling and saying,

Speaker 2: 40:04

well he will. She will. That's because, well, she's the one that starts saying, well I only respond because he is tit for tat. He said, she said, and we're psychologically trying to assess who needs to give a little more, take a little more, find this healthy 55th

Speaker 3: 40:19

the thing that is like, to me, it's secular. It's the world. And watch this, it doesn't work cause it doesn't change lives. It just keeps people going.

Speaker 2: 40:34

It doesn't change you on the inside. So what's the big deal if you get your cake and eat it too and you're not transformed. Now you're just spoiled in your marriage. It's really your controlling. Do you ever see spouses do the silent treatment to each other? They got a little issue they haven't resolved. So it comes out

Speaker 3: 40:52

their behavior. They say, Hey honey, where you honey? Are you okay? I'm fine, honey. You're not fine. I'm fine. And then there's a little quiet and then there's talk and then there's nothing. It's like a statement. You got me frustrated. You need to realize it and I don't know how you're going to make up for it, but I wish you would see you ever see that in relationships? I used to do it. My wife used to do it all the time.

Speaker 2: 41:17

I'm not being mean. When you live that way, you give yourself away, you reveal. You don't know him like

Speaker 3: 41:24

we sing because he's not living that way. He's not that way. He's amazing.

Speaker 2: 41:31

He came to me when I was celebrating, getting divorced, ready to move in with a girl eight years younger and just have a new fresh thing in my life. He came to me right in the midst of them willful things and said, you don't even know if God's real and w w and realized I was the most selfish man in my mind on the whole planet and I realized I was empty and alone and then I found scripture later that says, unless a seed dies and falls to the ground, it abides alone. If your goal is you, you'll always be alone. You'll never reproduce anything. And at the end of your journey you'll have produced nothing but living for the fulfillment of yourself. Are you with me? Unless the sea dies and falls to the ground, what did by everybody is a seed. You die and fall to the ground and spring up. What are you going to do? Bear much fruit. But when I live for a selfish thing, for myself, for me, myself and I, that's all I can ever produce. Just the fulfillment of myself and in the end that's all I have to show for. I made my own way and used whoever to accomplish it. Now that's the opposite of love. Are you with me? I just, I just feel like I'm to challenge you with some of these thoughts not cause you're messed up and bad not to lose your con millionaire is no, because these things are the only things that truly change our life. Come on guys. You could, you could attend your church and be faithful in the ministry of your church and if you, which I encourage you to do, but if you don't get a hold of these truths, you'll be the same offended person. The only difference is that you go to church and then your coworkers know you go to church, but they see your life. So now you just have a belief system. You're going to have a life change.

Speaker 5: 43:29

Are you with me?

Speaker 2: 43:31

I never wanted that in my life. When I saw Jesus and got saved, I, I had it before Christian language. You're handing me a track out of talked around you, but when this thing happened that night at work, you don't even know if God's real. I cried out to him. I looked up at those metal rafters in that warehouse. I was crying so hard and I said, my life is pitiful. I said, man, I am so selfish. I don't even like me at all. I need people to like me to feel like a boy. I am so alone inside. I'm so selfish as to cry. I am a hypocrite and I cried. I remember crying so hard. I said, I already know and I'm at work. You just don't do that at work as never so serious in my life. I pointed, I remember pointing to demo rafters, I said, but if you are real, if you love me and can forgive me of all these things and have a plan for my life, I lifted my hands high and said I'll live for you. And I didn't know exactly what I was saying, but I knew what I meant and I can't even explain it. This sense of God, reality that I didn't have a minute ago came over me. I still have a hard time describing it. Like, can you see I'm wired. Like I tried to calm down to communicate cause I don't want to freak you out, but I am way more excited than you see. Like way more when I talk about this stuff. He's my friend. He's not just my Lord. I'm not afraid to tell you this. He's my friend. I found it in John 15 he's the one that started it. He said, look, call you a servant. You're a friend. So if I'm his friend, I guess he's mine.

Speaker 7: 45:23

Yea. So don't fight with me over that stuff. He loves me like he loves to live inside of me. He paid a price to get me clean and be a house fit for a King. Yeah, I'm prime real estate to the Lord. He said, name your price. I'm moving in. It'll cost you blood already paid before the foundational world. Yay. You see what's wrong with me? You say you're out of your mind. No, I'm probably out of yours. That just might be your problem if you have one C. I think we don't think that true joy can even be real. I don't think we think we can be this excited cause we've been tricked by life

Speaker 2: 46:09

instead of the giver of it. You see this sense of God. Reality came over me and I, I'll never forget it. I think I pulled my hair. I know I ran shared speaker thing there. I guess that's a speaker. I know I ran from here to there, back and forth, over and over, jumping in the air. Spinning. I think I was pulling my hair. I was going, I was at work in the aisle.

Speaker 7: 46:39

You're real. You're real. You're really real. I looked like I needed a sedative and a straight jacket,

Speaker 2: 46:52

but for the first day, moment, minute in my entire life, I was free. I was free. What was I free from us? Free from myself that quick. I, that's what God was waiting. He wasn't waiting for me to go to church and pray a prayer to go, Hey, he's waiting for me to give him my life so his life could come inside of me. You know? He said, well, just ask Jesus into your heart. Stop it. He wants your life. It was never yours in the first. He

Speaker 3: 47:30

always made man to be one with him, to live in man and live through man. Man was never created to live alone. That's why man. So no, only SWAT people lie. That's why people get in relationships because of the need in their life. So they find somebody that fills the vacuum of what they don't have[inaudible] and then if their life changes and they feel like they don't have that need anymore, guess what happens to the person that used to fill that need? They, they don't value them anymore and feel like they don't need them. And guess what? We call it falling out of love. No, you never loved in the first place. You were driven by need. You accommodated yourself and you brought somebody in to facilitate your life and you changed and don't have the deficit anymore so you don't see their value anymore. So now you say you fell a low, they can't even eat or function because they're still in need of you and you're their whole world and you're flattered. Cause they said, I don't know what I'd do without you.

Speaker 4: 48:32

Huh?

Speaker 3: 48:33

Anybody ever see these scenarios all the time? There's only one person that you could ever truly say, I don't know what I'd do without you. It has to be him. And then when your wife's in an eight year deficit, you're not a burned out husband that doesn't know how to continue because you don't know how to not be okay. Because your goal in life is to follow him and to love like he loves not to need her, to love her, not to pray for her to change so you can bear it for, to pray for her to change her. She can rise up and shine and be what she was created to be. Do you see there's a difference between a hurting man and a man that knows him and all? He has this love for her no matter how wrong it seems she is. There's a difference. I've been a pastor long enough. I'd feel like I'm really talking about marriages a lot. Sorry, just the way it happens. If you're married in this room, if you're not married, strongly lesson, but if you're married in this room, don't elbow your spouse and say, I hope mirror listening cause you, that's the sign I'm talking to you. And instead of feeling uncomfortable or nervous or what's my wife's thinking, or, Oh, I bet my husband's loving this. I'd rather you think, you know what, there's a higher place and ain't about what I've done wrong. It's about what I'm growing in and it's about becoming what he paid for. It ain't about the failure, it's about the increase and we can all change and grow up into him. Amen. You know, I went home, my wife and I hadn't been together for five months. We hadn't slept in the same room. We kind of were away for days at a time, but we decided rather than try to rent an apartment or keep doing, rather than waste a little bit of money we had till we were divorced, we'll try to at least stay in the same home and redeem our money til we're going, you know, has really bad. Oh, it was so bad. Like we won't even talk to each other. We'd stick each other with the children. The children just pay such a price has. She'd come home and I'd slide out the back door and won't even say a word to her. And then she had come home and she'd slide out a door and wouldn't even say a word. I just hear her car go up the Hill and didn't even know where she was. We didn't even talk. It was terrible. So on that night, I got saved. She was sitting at home. She was really hurting. She was angry. She felt like she tried hard. She was a Christian. When I met her, she just got saved and she said, well, are you a Christian? And I said, well, yeah, I'm a Christian. Why? Because it helped the cause. I figured if she wanted me to say yes, I better say yes. She should have realized that a few short moments, that there wasn't nothing Jesus like about me, but she obviously had enough in the need and insecurity and the relationship happened and we got married in nine months. She was at home. This is what unforgiveness does to people in betterness. It makes you what you're not. It manipulates you and you're only doing what you're doing and feeling what you're feeling. Saying what you're saying, cause you're living hurt. It's like a Potter. But who's the great Potter you now people say, Oh, I'll never do that, but when they get hurt enough, they'll do what they know they never would have done. When they get angry enough, they'll do what they knew they never would have done. They're 13 years old, they precious little girl and they put their little purity ring on in youth group and thank you Jesus. Their heart gets hurt down the road and next thing you know they're across the line doing something they knew they'd never do and then they go[inaudible] and then the devil's right there in their minds. Just what did you do well here? Y eh, it's happened to a lot of people. My wife was at home. It's kind of sadly funny. She had a little mixed drink on a picnic table sipping it and they were smoking stuff. He shouldn't be bothering smoking. Her and some girl that was 10 years younger down the street became her counselor and she's going to teach her how to live her life and move on and make the most of life. What you don't know about my wife is when she gave up on our marriage and I belittled her and mocked her and tore her up with my words that day. It was so terrible. She went in the bedroom and said, I refuse to cry. I refused to let this man hurt me anymore. I am done. And then she did this. It's called analytical thinking. You know what that is? It's when somebody thinks so much, they talk their self into a complicated place. It's not a gift from the Lord analytic. Well, I'm just a very anti. People say, well, I'm just very analytical brother. Well, stop boasting in that. Repent and die to that. It's not goal because what it does is it takes simple things, dwells on it long enough to make it complicated to where now you can't even see truth because you're so deep in it. Here's what she did. Now watch what my wife did. You know how many people have done this because they don't understand that they're in covenant with God and all it is theirs is the Lord's and they've laid down their life. They believe we, we preach it this way. Unfortunately, ministers preach the gospel to benefit us in serve us. So who's ever seen anybody mad at God, confused towards God or frustrated with God and just were afraid to really get mad at him cause he's the Lord. But here's what my wife did. She said, I'm so done with this man. I'm so done with this marriage. And then she told me this later, weeks later, she told me that she looked up at the ceiling and she put me, I what? We always figure, he's up there, right? He wants to be right here who were always like, he's out there somewhere as she said, and you, she said she pumped her fist at the ceiling and said, and you, I'm done with you till you have never answered my prayer. You have done nothing for this man. You, you have loud me and these children to suffer through hell and you've done nothing. You haven't changed him. I believe he's worse. I am done with you too. She turned and walked out of the room. You see how self-centered that is? That was in my wife the whole time that she was a Christian. That motive was there cause it was never confronted which way. I just need to clean up my life. Yeah. My kids are really struggling. I think I need to get back to church and pray more. Sometimes we'll make this push into God for what we get from him instead of how we can become more like him in our lives. And it's backwards. So I called my wife, she's sitting at home on a picnic table. The kids were in bed and she said to this girl, 10 years younger than her. She said, you know, it'd be just like my husband come someday and say he found the Lord. I could just see him trying to pull that. She's just, since she's smoking, what, you shouldn't be smoking. And it's so not my wife. It's sadly hilarious.

Speaker 6: 56:17

Okay.

Speaker 3: 56:18

And she said it wasn't 15 minutes later I rang the phone and I said, Hey. She said, what do you want? I said, I don't even know how to tell you this, but when I was so overwhelmed, I said, God, it's real. Click.

Speaker 7: 56:36

No, my wife is timid and quiet and she is just behind the scenes. She don't draw, so she draws zero attention to herself, seems to be the quietest one in the room. When I came home that night, I don't know where she found that button, but it was like there's a clause. They, I think I saw them that long on every finger she was. When I walked in the house, he was, I never saw her like that in my life. I'm like, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 3: 57:06

She said it was all this rightness. It was all this court of law stuff. It was all the grievances would have made it an entertaining talk show. The judgmental crowd woulda judged her, a victim, me a villain, and everybody would lose. She would stay a victim of my demise and I would stay a villain. No chance for change, poor us, but at least people get entertained.

Speaker 5: 57:38

[inaudible]

Speaker 3: 57:41

you see our unredeemed victim villain is, I'm telling you, the first mistake we make is it's easy to feel sorry for ourself, no matter what. It's the biggest of your life. How can you deny yourself for his name and feel sorry for yourself at the same time? I can't believe they did that to me. Why not? People do all kinds of things. Why do you think they did that to you? Could you imagine if Jesus was talking like that? Could you see Jesus bombed out in the Bible, died? Did you ever read the chapter where he sitting on the Mount of olives and he's just kind of bummed out? Did you ever read it? He's just kind of solemn and Peter says, Lord, what's the matter? I don't know. I just don't feel that encouraged today. You don't feel encouraged, Lord, you guys never read this in your Bible? Well, I just don't feel that encouraged today, Peter. I mean, I don't think people like me that much. I mean, I'm trying to do all this good and they say really bad things about me. And I mean the other day when I fed the[inaudible] member how I was cool multiplying the food. Yeah, that was cool. But they didn't seem to care like it didn't hit them. They just came back the next day cause they wanted more food. They didn't care what I said, they didn't have it. It didn't have anything to do. Peter, I'm just feeling a little left out right now. I don't know what I'm really accomplishing. I mean God lets me hear their thoughts. I wish he did sometimes cause their thoughts aren't Cole. You never read this in your Bible. And then John walks over and says, Hey Lord, what's the matter? And he says, John, not today. You're not laying your head on. I know I'm going to lay my head on you. Just hold me John. Just hold me. You never read that, huh? So he never taught us that. So you never saw Jesus that way. So he never taught us that. He said, let no man be your teacher. Let no one be your teacher. You have one teacher. He's the Christ. So if Jesus never taught us that, where'd we get that permissible mentality for wonder where we learned it if we didn't get it from him, and all of a sudden the Bible says there's a way that seemeth right to a man, but here's the giveaway. It's way there unto lead us to when you see what it's producing, you know where it's from. I walked in the house, my wife said, how dare you, you're, she said about three year of full damn older. If you think you're gonna pull this other set in, you're a Christian. I tell thanks. She says, wow, you're just trying to make the family turn and think on the wits and you're the good guy. And I'm just standing there, gone. God's real.

Speaker 7: 1:00:38

I was still overwhelmed. I'm like, God's real, he's real. It's not that I couldn't hear what she was saying, but what am I going to say? She's going to call my eyes out. How do I say, you know, honey, I'm really sorry. Sorry. You'll shut it down. Sorry. 13 years I got hello. We don't even give people a chance to change because of her.

Speaker 3: 1:01:00

No offense.

Speaker 7: 1:01:02

We expect them to make up for what they didn't do and they can't. And even when they are sorry, we bring it up

Speaker 3: 1:01:11

and they, nothing you can do to go back and change a thing, but you can change and the gospel understands that we are tale. You can't go back and do nothing over. You can't change where you've been and what you've done. You can't change what you've said, but who you are can change. And when who you are changes, the blood washes who you were away and God never sees you for where you've been. He sees you for who you've become. That's the good news. Now, wouldn't it be great if people made for his image that are Christians would understand that and live that way too. When that be amazing. I think that's the point.

Speaker 7: 1:01:57

Seem to go up there. You hurt me. Which the Lord would just sometimes just, I'm like, Lord, why don't you freak us out more like,[inaudible] really hurt me.

Speaker 3: 1:02:08

Well, what are you doing so hurt? I never let you hurt me. Why are you letting them hurt you? Why don't you love them? Like, I've loved you. You've never heard me complain about you. Why are you about them? Why don't you love them? And also need ministers, heart testers, when dat be amazing. So here's my wife, did my precious little wifey

Speaker 2: 1:02:33

for seven weeks. Seven weeks, stretch your mind with me so I don't have to go into too much detail for all these young, for seven weeks, she went out of her way

Speaker 3: 1:02:46

to break my heart, to break me and get me to go. So she could go, aha. See you ain't no different.

Speaker 2: 1:02:58

So she could relieve her own, violated

Speaker 3: 1:03:01

conscience through my expression of weakness. And that would have been enough for her. Why? Because she wasn't no in him. She just live in by principles that she's had the ability to violate because she's not in relationship with Jesus.

Speaker 2: 1:03:20

So she's waiting for me to slip so she could go, ah, push the hypocrite button and relieve her own

Speaker 3: 1:03:28

convictions.

Speaker 2: 1:03:31

Seven weeks she went out of her way to break my heart and now all I can do is love her. So we got a big problem and it's a good one. I remember one day I'm in the room praying. I got the door closed when I'm all alone and I know I'm alone. I know you can picture this, but I get really loud and I'll walk my bedroom and I talked to the Lord. You could hear me outside. I get really loud and one day I came out from praying and seeking the Lord and I had to get to work and I opened the door and my wife was right. I opened the door and my wife was right there, analytical watch Hugh make me so mad. I'm like, I'm sorry. Here's what I'm thinking. I didn't mean to make you mad anyway, and what can I say? There's nothing I can, everything I say the anger, the unresolved conflict or turn my words.

Speaker 3: 1:04:28

So sometimes you just stand there and your eyes filled with tears because you want to do more than you have the ability to in the moment because of where the hearts are. She says, you make me so mad. You live like the devil for 13 years, 13 years. You live again and now you're in there praying to God like your some Holy man. I don't think so. And I said, well Kim, I understand[inaudible] don't a lot and I can only imagine how you feeling. Really sorry, I just slip away quick. So it didn't turn into more words. But here's what she noticed. I wasn't a fighter that I used to be. I didn't qualify things I didn't ever have to get the last word in. I didn't pull out the sharpness of my tongue and try Pierce her more than she was piercing me. And all of a sudden, in seven weeks she started realizing this ain't the same man. So six weeks in, she goes away. She tells me she's leaving for the weekend. Six hours later, she sneaks around back and comes in the back door. Sneaky. Six hours later, she's going to catch me in in propriety. She's gonna catch me screaming at the kid watching something trashy on TV. She's gonna catch me in my element. So she comes sneaking in six hours later, unannounced, guess what she catches me doing? I got my 10 and five year old sitting Indian style on the floor with the book of Psalms open, teaching them what it means to worship God. She peaks around the corner. I look up, I see movement. I look up and there's her little[inaudible] faith. I see cute. What are you okay? What's wrong? Cause she supposed to be out of town. Six hours later she's peeking around a corner. Secure your case. She said, she goes, I'm fine to up the steps, but[inaudible] pull down the steps and shot out the door and never said a word. So we did. I said, it's okay. We just kept doing the whole worship Jesus thing and yay. She said she got in the car so angry, so mad, so miserable. Why? You're not made to live in unforgiveness. It's a wretched tormented place. It's an outer darkness, soul bound place. Read your Bible. You are not made to live in unresolved conflict. You are not made to hold OD. It will destroy you, manipulate you and change you. She said she was so mad driving. She said, she's yelling at God the whole way. If he's changed. Why did you wait so long? Well, why is he changed now when it's too late, my heart doesn't even care anymore and now you did that. This is not there. She said she's screaming and pout in the hallway instead of wow God. So watch this because she prayed for me for 13 years before that. All the time. Now watch. I'm just telling you this little story. It just feels right. I hope you're patient with me. We'll be done real soon. It'll be lunchtime. I'm glad y'all came. They got lots of food. I'm glad you're here. The following week is the seventh week she's going into the bathroom. She's, she's pretty enough. She's doing whatever you ladies do in there with that close. She's doing it. She's got a little ironing, curling iron brush thing and she got a little makeup. She's got some jewelry. She's pretty enough. She's heading somewhere. She's in the bathroom. She ain't talking to me at all. Kids are clinging to me like glue. Kids love their new daddy. I took my little year old out to eat cause I used to not even show her no love. My little 10 year old before I knew Jesus I was so selfish sometimes I didn't even feel like I had anything for my daughter cause sometimes I would feel like she got in the way of my wife and I and our relationship. I was so selfish. Now I get saved and I value her first thing. The Lord told me to take her out to eat and just be her daddy, just you and her. I told her I'm taking her to eat. She said, mommy, daddy's taking me to eat. Not you, not you and Daniel. Just me. Just me and dad. I heard her telly, tell her she was 10 I'll never forget it. We're sitting in the restaurant in a little booth and you can tell kids by their body posture. She sitting in the booth, just us swinging them fi they have little feet with just a swing.[inaudible] why she just happy he does out there with her daddy. She come over from the salad bar and had all this stuff. When she sits down, I'll steer, can see her little feet go like this. And I sat down, we had a great time. I got in the driveway and I said, honey, I said we need to talk before we get in the house. I said, you know, I just really from my heart need to say, and I'm really, really sorry for all the memories and all of the years and all the times I was harsh with you and hard with you. I should remember how mommy always tricky to church. Cause my kids were like, mommy, you used to always take us to church now you never go. And daddy always goes in. He takes us to church. Like, what's going on here guys? Where'd you all straighten this out? You know? But I said, Jesus, remember how Jesus, yeah, well he has come inside of your daddy and he lives in me now. And before he came, I was never a good daddy to you. And I was, and kids are so amazing. When I got through my whole heart confession, she said, Oh, that's okay daddy. And I'm like, no honey, it's not okay. I want you to understand how sorry I am that I hurt you and made you feel there was times I made you feel like you had no value and you didn't even think I loved you at all. And she lost it in a truck. I pulled her in and I said, that day is over cause you have a daddy now and Jesus is inside of him. And I held her and we go in the house. Seven weeks later this is happening. My wife's in the bathroom, she got the curling brush. She told me to brush was in her hand she's doing and the Lord guys, the Lord walks in the bathroom. She's aware of the presence of the Lord. Now she's running from him. She's mad at him the best. She understands she's got issues with the Lord but he doesn't seem intimidated by that. And as if he owns the place. He just comes in the bathroom and she said she went cause she was aware of him and she heard this, her heart. It wasn't out here. It wasn't a voice from the sky. She heard this sentence in her heart. Why are you so angry with that man separating me from her anger? Can't you see? She said when he said, can't you see? It was like somebody tore something off her tongue. It was all the years of unresolved conflict, bitterness her. She said it was so overwhelming. He said, can't you see that's not even the man you're angry with.

Speaker 7: 1:11:52

And this is my favorite part of the testimony. This is my absolute favorite part because God can't lie. Can God lie? Oh, so if he says something, pay[inaudible]

Speaker 3: 1:12:02

you said in fact, Kim, that meaning me now the new me, that isn't even the man you married. I have made him a brand new man.

Speaker 7: 1:12:15

It was so overwhelming to her. She said she crashed to the floor in a fetal position.

Speaker 8: 1:12:19

[inaudible]

Speaker 3: 1:12:20

let's see. Just cry now. The Lord remembers her, right? He wants to make peace. He's not like in a wave. You talk to me, girl, are you kidding me? It took me three weeks to get over there. We have a couple of board meetings about you. Can you really show Kevin with your frustration? You know what he did? She said it felt like he was hovering over her and he said, it's true, Kim, you pray for 13 years for him to change. It's not that I didn't hear. I just couldn't do anything. You don't understand how you tied my hands from answering your prayer because you only ever prayed from the place of pain. You only prayed because you knew if I changed him your day would go better. You only prayed because you were hurt. You never pray because of mercy and cause of love. Never once did you cry for how lost he was never wants. Did you have mercy towards your husband? I will not answer your prayer cause that place is never me and I won't allow you to stay where I'm not. She's

Speaker 8: 1:13:44

wow.

Speaker 3: 1:13:46

I'm out in the garden. I love gardening. I'm out in the garden. I'm doing a second round of beans. I'm just having a blast. There's so much gospel in the garden. It's ridiculous to see time and harvest time and fallow ground and sow and water and increased ah, gospel.

Speaker 7: 1:14:03

It's right in my yard. Hook gospel right before my eyes. And you're able to see this stuff in yard. It loves

Speaker 2: 1:14:12

living here.

Speaker 3: 1:14:12

My yard, cause I'm a covenant guy. My stuff just put tomatoes. They're just great as everything loves my yard, except for bugs and critters and pestilence. It's the fruit of my ground. It's blessed. It's, it's amazing. I don't put any sprays, any nothing. Y'all see how it grows? Seed time, harvest time. So I'm out there doing what you do. You don't sow nothing Rose. All of a sudden I hear the door, boom. I look. Here's my little wife. She's the cutest little thing. She's tiny. She's running, she's coming around the garden, crying her eyes out. And you know what I think? I think somebody just died til she wouldn't come to me. She's avoid me. She doesn't talk to me. She's mean for seven weeks in the natural, but I never took it to heart. I understand she's hurt. Just love her. Now she's running dead at me. Full head of steam, crying out of control. And you're thinking, Oh no, what happened? Some she just got a call you never want to get. And she's running to me, but she saying something over and over and over. Repetitious. I could hear it, but I couldn't tell what she was saying cause he was crying so hard. Right.

Speaker 2: 1:15:26

And she gets close to me and then I can hear it. She's going, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had your little heads right now. I go, Ooh. And there was the ugliest scene of a movie you have ever seen. She is clinging to me now. It started to bother me in natural sense that why is she sorry? When she tried so hard, she went the extra mile. She was a peacemaker. 13 years. She lived in the midst of my flat-out selfishness. So why is she sorry. Forgiven up for pulling the plug. I don't know, but it bothered me. I'm like, I am so sorry for the first time in my life and I'd been waiting for the opportunity to look her in the eyes and cry and tell her the truth for the first time in my life to be able to look in her eyes and tell her that I know I love her

Speaker 3: 1:16:18

and I'm ready to be like Jesus in her life. I know it

Speaker 2: 1:16:24

know she's doing this.

Speaker 3: 1:16:27

Kim, stop it. Why would you say you're sorry? What do you I understand that the so sorry. I'll start. I'm, we're crate so messy and she's like, no, I'm sorry. I'm like, you have nothing to be sorry for. She said, Oh yes. I tell. I said, what? What would she say? This is when she told me about the revelation, the revelation. I said what? She said, I am sorry for never mothering you in prayer. I only prayed because God told me I was another hurting wife that prayed. I was reduced to another hurting wife that prayed.

Speaker 9: 1:17:12

I never prayed for you cause I loved you are valued. You are hurt for you are you only hurt because of you? Or God could never answer that prayer. Forgive me for not loving. And I'm like, and I'm like,

Speaker 3: 1:17:30

where does this horrible cry Fest like messy? And I said something about our marriage and she looked at me and said, you mean there's hope for her marriage? I said, honey, are you kidding me? I'm finally ready. I love Kim, the honor. I loving you

Speaker 5: 1:17:53

her.

Speaker 3: 1:17:54

And this thought came to me. I didn't know any of this was happening. I'm working beans now. I'm holding my wife. We're crying out of control. We live in exciting life. You imagine our neighbors, they're talking now my neighbors. Could you imagine I'm out in the yard and God speaks some to my heart or I see God for gospel principle in the garden and now I might rake slammed on the ground and my hands are lifted high and I'm talking out loud. That's where my neighbors see.

Speaker 5: 1:18:31

Whoa.

Speaker 3: 1:18:35

Oh, I said, you mean there's hope for this marriage? I sir, are you kidding me? I'm fine. And I said to her, I said, can I renew my wedding vow to you? She said, well, I didn't even know what I was going to say. I said, can I renew my wedding vow to you right now? And she said, ah, okay. And guess what came out of my heart. I was seven weeks old in the Lord, seven weeks old chronologically that he was growing. I looked right in the eyes and guess what? I said, psychologist, a lot of Christians would crucify you for saying this, brother. That's the wrong take on marriage. Marriage, a lot of work, brother married or 50 50 no marriages. I love you. Watch what I said to her by the spirit of God, seven weeks old in the Lord. I looked right in the eyes and I said, Kim, you owe me nothing in this marriage but to receive the love of God from me. And as long as I draw breath on this earth, I will serve you in his unfailing love. And she said, okay. And I just held her and I didn't say, let me get a pen and paper so I can write your vows down and hold you till that day I gave my life to her so that my life in Christ would help bring out the best in camp. So when we get in that eight year thing, guess what? It was easy to love her. Yay. Here I am. All these years later, my May 1st to 37 years,

Speaker 2: 1:20:08

we've been married

Speaker 3: 1:20:09

24 of it in the Lord. And I can tell you sincerely, I love my wife. Yeah. Why? Cause I wake up to be more like him. I don't wake up for her to serve me. She has no ability to break my heart. Just like you don't. You could write anything you want about me.

Speaker 2: 1:20:31

You can't keep me from his presence. You can't keep me from hearing his voice. You can't keep me from knowing the truth. You call me whatever you want, but you're way too late to debt to me

Speaker 3: 1:20:45

cause I know him now. So I didn't get to explain a lot of this. I got more time with you today. Knowing him is the biggest deal of your life, not knowing about him, not quoting scripture, not reading to memorize it, knowing him. You know what the Lord spoke to my heart a long time ago. He told me I was going to speak to a lot of his people. He said, I don't ever want you, I don't ever want you to read your Bible to preach a sermon. He said, only read your Bible to know me and only speak out of who I am in your life and that'll carry weight. Yes. That's all I've done this morning. You can tell I didn't have a real straight path. Probably got off my notes. If there were some

Speaker 2: 1:21:39

[inaudible] said, where's your notes brother? I did a pastor's conference and the guy said to pastor, said, I said, any questions, anything? Nobody had questions. I said, wow, that was thorough preaching. Nobody has a question. Not even a pastor, huh? It was all pastors and the guy said, ah, can I just have a copy of your notes? And I said, well, I'm a pretty attached to it. I said, but here you go sir. And I threw my Bible right? So him and he caught it, caught him off guard. Just like when she caught it. Good. Got it. And I sold it. There's my notes. He said, Oh, okay. I said, I do want that back.

Speaker 3: 1:22:14

Nothing. I'm closing right now and we're going to eat and fellowship. If you can stay. Nothing compares with your ability, God given ability to be in his presence, to be with him.

Speaker 2: 1:22:25

You can say all day. Well, it doesn't feel real. Well, he doesn't seem well. Why doesn't he? Why is he so hard to reach? Why is it gotta be about faith?

Speaker 3: 1:22:32

Why this? God wants you to build the knowings in your heart,

Speaker 2: 1:22:37

the beliefs in your heart where they become knowings, where nothing can change your mind. You and I have lived central our whole lives. We have been driven by feelings and how we feel is dictating how we're doing instead of what we truly believe. You got to take what you believe and get alone with God. You youngsters, you can sit on your beds at night. You. You know that mama tuck you in. Stay in bed. Don't let her hear your feet running around. She say go to bed, but you could lay in your bed before you fall asleep. Lord Jesus, I just believe in you and I asked you to keep revealing yourself to me and I just want to know you more and I just, and you can communicate with God like that as much as y'all want. I do it all the time. I drive my car. Father, thank you for just father and me. Thank you for loving me and putting who you are inside of me. God, what is on your heart today? What do you want me to see, man? What's in front of this day? And I just communicate all the time. Garden walk, I just talking to him all the time, I've developed this relationship where he's very real to me and then who he is influences my life. So now I'm not trying to be a good boy. I'm not trying to do the right thing. I'm not trying to not sin, I'm just enjoying being his and that starts living my life. Does that make sense? Everybody in this room has caught to that one truth right there. Remember I talked about last night, become in love and if we don't become love, we've missed the point. That's what first John four says first John four says, beloved, let us love one another. It's verse seven. Why? Because God is love the whole chapter. He is love. He is love. It says if he loved this, his wish, and we love one another. So verse eight says, seven says, if we love where we are born of God, and y'all know the children's church song, they sing it in Sunday schools. I grew up with it in the first church of the brethren. Beloved, let us love one another y'all. Some of you know that for love is of God and everyone that loveth is born of God and know with God, he who love is not. No. If not God for God is love. Beloved, let us love on another first John four seven and eight so some of you heard that before. Okay, watch this beloved. Let us one another. Why cause anyone? Because God is love and anyone who is born of God and not look up the word knows God. Watch, watch. He who loveth the sea. Love doesn't seek its own watch. Love takes no account of the wrong done to it. Come on this, I'm the Torben, some mushy gushy Hollywood movie thing called love. I'm talking Jesus. Love takes no account, keeps no record of the wrong done to it. Why do we have such a good memory? Love doesn't seek its own. Watch. He who love this not watch. No. If he said, if you don't love, there's one reason not to. One, not two. One he didn't say you don't go to church. He didn't say you don't see your need for a savior. Confess that you've sinned. He didn't say none of that. He said this though, if you don't love, there's one, not two. One you don't know God like you could, which means it's impossible for me to know him and not be influenced by him to the point of change. So the evidence of knowing him, the Christian Bible barometer of knowing God is your love. Don't we sing the song? And they'll know is by uh, by our love and they'll know that we are Christians by our Jesus said father, when they become one, like where one, when they become one, like we're one, then the world will now that you sent your son, so go after him, pursue him. We have a question time this afternoon. You can ask me a million questions about that if you want. I'll talk all day and I love questions by the way, but what I'm telling you is every one of us has a God given right to be with him. It's the most important place of your life. So be with him. Don't let your heart get hurt, offended, angry. Fill with excuses in yell butts. Guard your heart because out of your heart flows the issues of life. Father, I just thank you for this room. I thank you for this time. I just thank you for what you do called. Let these words be vital seeds in our lives and let them bring forth fruit. I pray that not one seed gets choked out by thorns, Stony ground, left field. I pray that God, you would just do a work in us that would manifest your great name and let your nature be revealed through our lives like no time before. Let this be the greatest season of our lives. In Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Guys, I'm done for now while he's jumping up. We're so, I've never done this before. No, I'm done. You're never done. I'm done. You've got 10 minutes to no, they can hug, fellowship, whatever. But uh, no, and man, thanks for coming up. Once you shut up. I'll bet like I must've been filled with unbelief. No, no, no. I was thinking, I was thinking this town, your schedules, who's coming on a Saturday morning, I thought they'd probably hardly be anybody here, but the few that are here, we'll have a great time. But I didn't expect to see a bunch of folks. It seems like there's this many here, if not a couple more than there was last night and then he got all that food so we can have fellowships. So if he can stay, please stay. I'm just humbled and excited that you're here. I told you last night why I'm here. I'm here because I want to be in. I believe what I'm preaching. Nobody twisted my arm. This isn't SAC. Does it look like I'm sacrificing,

Speaker 10: 1:29:02

I'm here cause I want to be and I'm having the time of my life. Did you notice we didn't pass an offering basket for me? It's because I'm not receiving nothing from you. I came to give you the gospel, so bless you. Hug each other. Make a friend.

Speaker 11: 1:29:32

[inaudible].

Speaker 10: 1:29:32

If you enjoyed this message, please visit Dan molar, archive.com to find over 2,500 more messages from Dan, all organized by category, playlist, and search. Enjoy.

Speaker 11: 1:29:50

[inaudible].